Last night I was at one of those really loud bars where the only way you can have a conversation is by screaming directly into the ear of the person sitting next to you. I secretly really enjoy screaming because I grew up in a strict Asian household where fun was pretty much not tolerated. Our parents would not even allow us to use dice when we were playing board games, instead we had four wooden sticks that we would throw in the air and fight over which numbers they would have represented if we had normal parents that would buy us a six sided die.
Anyway, I was really screaming at the top of my lungs into this girl's ear and having a blast when I learned that she was a stripper. Now I wasn't really into this stripper at all, but I just read something that said that strippers are the single hardest type of girl to pick up. This kind of got me wondering if I had any chance to pick up this girl. The only problem was that there were a bunch of other huge male strippers that had come along with her, and I was kind of scared that one of them was her boyfriend and would kick my ass if I talked to her for too long.
Then I got to thinking... what if I try to pick up one of the male strippers instead? That would probably be an even bigger accomplishment than picking up the girl! What a great idea! I kind of scanned the room for which of the male strippers looked like he would go most for the silly Asian guy and excitedly picked one out.
I quickly imagined how awesome my new life with the male stripper was about to be, and how I was about to be the envy of every pickup artist in Las Vegas. I've never met a pickup artist before, but I imagine that the status I obtained by dating a male stripper would instantly identify myself as a respected mark to all of them. "Oh you, picked up a
female stripper? That's cute. Try a real challenge buddy!"
I was getting giddy with my plan when all of a sudden I realized that there was a huge flaw - what if this girl I was talking to was dating my male stripper target? I kind of sized the girl up and wondered if she could beat me up. It looked like she was in really good shape, and her arms were really toned from gliding up and down the strip pole. After a lot of deliberation (drunken staring) where she probably thought I was just checking her out, I sadly realized that I could not even pick up any of her potential male stripper boyfriends out of fear that she too would kick my ass.
Now I think I kind of understand why strippers are the toughest occupation to pick up. My ego was pretty bruised last night, but hey, it's better than my body, right?