So as many of you know, it has always been my greatest dream to own a time machine. All of my life's regrets could be remedied, I could kill famous inventors and steal their work, I could win the lottery times over and donate the money to the poor, and then of course there's living forever. Well today, my dream was finally granted when I found a large cardboard box, procured some markers, and built the world's first ever fully functional time machine!
I set the coordinates on my control panel to the year 2020, set the machine on top of my skateboard, and with a running push from my friends, reached relativistic speeds that sent me hurtling into the future.
The time machine stopped with a crash and skid. When I exited through the door, I found myself in the year 2020! One thing I can say is that the future looks remarkably similar to the present. I pointed to what looked to me like an automobile and asked the nearest passerby, "Do these fly yet?", half wondering if I was talking to a human or autonomon. "You're a dumbass Michael", they answered, as they inspected my hu-man arm, now bleeding profusely from the crash landing.
The robots already knew my name! Afraid that I would embarrass myself in front of these superhumans, I shouted in the clearest English I could muster, "Greetings! I come from a far away land called Earth! You probably don't understand me but can you transport me on your flying cart to the nearest repair shop? My ship needs a new flux capacitor?" as I pointed to the shattered tube.
Instead of helping me, they began laughing, threw me back in my broken machine, flipped it upside down, and sat on the top of it! What cruel robots! I suspect that in the year 2020, humans and robots are in the midst of an inter-galactic war where no human is spared. How foolish I was to trust the autonomon! Now I was trapped in my machine, running short on air, and had little pebbles of mud dropping onto my head.
Without knowing any alternative, I desperately taped the flux capacitor back together, reset the controls, and tried to fly back into the past. The time machine cranked and quivered as I felt the entire vehicle flip once more. I re-emerged from the time machine, looked around, and found myself in the present! What an adventure! Here's a picture of me waiting at the bus stop to buy a new flux capacitor.
Time travel's a dangerous business. If any of you get caught up in the future, remember to take the proper safety precautions always bring a spare capacitor.
# posted by Stoops @ 6:47 PM
