Observations

One of the coolest parts about my job is using my electronic keycard to open our lab door. It is so baller. It is by far the best part of my day.

Here is the scene for you: Hallway full of students waiting for class outside their door. Suddenly important mysterious young person dressed professionally rushes through the hallway and opens unknown door with secret key! Students try to peek into door to catch glimpse of mystery, but are locked out like a bouncer in a chic club. When out of danger, mysterious young professional takes off dress shirt, fans himself furiously, chugs water, but thinks deceiving people into thinking he's important was so worth it! Pumps fists! Repeat next day.

Since I don't really understand how this keycard works, and I also don't understand how girls work, I like to fantasize that the card and girls work the same way, and that if I am nice to the card, it will somehow find me a girlfriend. Sometimes when I am bored, I practice kissing the card, or draw little blonde hairs on it with a dry erase marker. Sometimes me and the card will watch youtube videos of pickup artists and I'll ask the card totally sincerely "Does that really work?!" pointing to the skeezy pickup artist and actually getting a little mad and feeling inadequate that this guy could pick up a girl without using a card. Of course, the card can't actually talk to me other than opening or not opening the door. Luckily though, the psychology department gave me a really bad card, so about half of the time the door will not open and a red light flashes above the door sensor denying me entry into the door. Even though it is really annoying that my card doesn't work properly, it adds a new dimension to this insane fantasy so I kind of like it.

Even though the card has not netted me anything worthwhile so far, I still have faith in it, partially because I secretly suspect that one day after I prove my worth to it, it will somehow transform into a datable girl. I halfway believe that this is how all girls are actually made, from UNLV marlock keycards. I would say that being in the realm of psychology is a good fit for me.