Observations

Do any other guys here ever have peeing races with the person standing next to you in the urinal? Sometimes I will be standing at a urinal ready to pee when a challenger saunters through the door and I am forced to painfully hold my pee in until I heard the beautiful sound of pee hitting toilet water in the urinal next to me. Then my heart starts pounding really hard and the race is on!

I like to think of myself as an underdog in these pee races, since Asians naturally have the biggest bladders of any race. It requires a lot of strategy to get really good at beating superior peeing species, but I have a strict regimen that I follow pretty religiously.

One thing I like to do is pee as hard as I can into my toilet at home when there is minimal danger of splashback. I like to practice making the noise of pee hitting water as loud as possible to create an intimidation factor, since pee races have a great mental aspect to them and are really a thinking man's game.

Another thing I've noticed is that people really really don't like it when you peek over at them when they're peeing, so if you're losing really badly you can use this as a last ditch effort. Sometimes people will actually *stop* peeing when you stare at them and threaten to kick your ass, which is great! I like to think of it as winning by disqualification and picture myself as Ivander Hollyfield in that great Tyson-Hollyfield boxing match from years back. Sometimes my ear hurts if I envision this too strongly though, so you have to be careful with that too.

This is a really top secret strategy but another great little tip is that you can increase your pee strength linearly with the distance you're standing from the urinal to increase rate of bladder emptying. What this means in plain English is that the further away from the urinal you stand, the harder you can pee without fear of splashback. BE CAREFUL WITH THIS ONE! Sometimes in the heat of the moment I will take this a little too far (literally) and stand against the far wall while I am peeing across the room into my urinal. I do what it takes to win, but this one is really really desperation strategy.

After I've beaten someone in a pee race, I like to stroll over to the sink and take my sweet time washing my hands, kind of like a victory lap. Sometimes I'll take 2-3 minutes washing my hands while my opponent finishes peeing like a loser and bask in the glory of my victory. Nothing feels better than winning a pee race and then taking all of the soap as your prize. I like to think of the soap as a little trophy. Sometimes I'll keep pushing the dispenser until my hands look like they are laminated with pink dial and the challenger will angrily look over at me when there's none left. God! There is nothing better.

I'd like to know if anyone else pee races or if it's just me. I'm sure there's more racers out there, and it's been a while since I had a real challenge. Comment if you'd like to race, or if you'd like to trade a few more tips. I still have a few that are just too good to disclose to the public. I'll use the next few posts to discuss the results of any pee races that arise in the future.